Table Manners
What a butler watches over before the silver cutlery
About Table Manners
Table manners are the bearing by which respect for those who share your table is expressed in posture and in the handling of the implements. Even where many pieces of silver cutlery are laid, it is not a contest of memorised forms. Your butler watches over your hands and the flow of the occasion, and at the moment hesitation arises, quietly conveys only the order that is needed.
Before the row of silver, first take a breath.
In the Dining Room, the red chairs, the tones of mahogany, the candlelight and the silver cutlery are laid in perfect order. The more the number of implements hurries your thoughts, the less your butler adds in words. We draw back the chair, arrange things so that the whole table is in view, and guard the time in which you take in the atmosphere of the occasion.
The purpose of table manners is not to display a procedure, but to share time peacefully with those who sit with you. Sitting upright and setting cutlery down quietly both exist so as not to interrupt another's conversation or time. Behind the form there is always consideration for people.
The dining etiquette (table manners) a butler conveys at table
| Moment | Your hesitation | Your butler's response |
|---|---|---|
| Taking your seat | How to arrange the chair and your belongings | We draw back the chair, take your belongings and coat, and create a pause in which to settle |
| Choosing the silver | Which of the cutlery laid before you to take up | Following the setting before you, we indicate the next piece with a glance or a brief word |
| Telling the uses apart | How to distinguish table, dessert and fish pieces | Your butler points to the pieces laid there and briefly explains the names and their differing uses |
| Touching a piece of a different purpose | How to confirm the role of a butter knife and the like | We introduce the butter knife, consommé spoon, ice cream spoon and hors d'oeuvre fork with the actual pieces |
| As conversation continues | Where to rest your hands and how to set the implements down | Without interrupting the conversation, we signal quietly only when needed |
| When hesitation arises | Not wishing to stop the occasion in order to ask | We receive your enquiring glance and support you quietly, close at hand |
The specific order of the cutlery is conveyed quietly by your butler at the table.
Christofle Marly is not silver for display alone.
The Christofle Marly held at the Manor is a collection of twelve types for six settings. Besides the table and dessert spoons, forks and knives, it includes consommé spoons, fish knives and forks, butter knives, and the discontinued ice cream spoons and hors d'oeuvre forks.
Rocaille ornament covers the handles, and the set is housed in a wooden box and a four-drawer storage chest. A white-gloved butler handles each piece and carries it to the scene at table.
There is no need to learn every name. Rather than testing you loudly on their uses, your butler guides your attention to the piece you need so that you may pass naturally to the next movement. Silverware is not an instrument for measuring knowledge, but one that joins the rhythm of the person who takes it up with that of the butler.
The origins of Christofle Marly
Five cues for when you hesitate at table
Settle into your chair
Your butler arranges the chair and your belongings. First, take in the whole table from your seat.
Look at the table as a whole
Rather than being caught by the number of implements, look at your companions and the flow of the table.
Note where your butler stands
Your butler waits where your hands are in view. Male and female butlers alike support you in the same quiet manner.
Ask with your eyes
There is no need to halt the conversation with words; simply turn your gaze and your butler will receive it.
Learn only the next piece
Your butler points to the pieces laid there and tells you only the name and use you need now, whether table, dessert or fish.
The Manor's silver may be seen in use, in a butler's hands
| Collection | Christofle Marly in twelve types for six settings |
|---|---|
| Basic pieces | Table and dessert spoons, forks and knives |
| Pieces of differing purpose | Consommé spoons, fish knives and forks, and butter knives |
| Discontinued pieces | Including ice cream spoons and hors d'oeuvre forks |
| Ornament | Rocaille decoration suggesting shells and scrolls covers the handles |
| Storage | Housed in a wooden presentation box and a four-drawer storage chest |
What matters at table
- Handling the implements quietly so as not to interrupt your companions' conversation and time
- When in doubt, turning your gaze to your butler and confirming only the next piece you need
- Keeping down the sound of silver set down and any large movement, preserving the calm of the table
- Not pressing on in uncertainty, but proceeding once you have received your butler's brief guidance
- Confirming the table and dessert spoons, forks and knives, the fish knife and fork, and the butter knife with the pieces laid before you
What need not be learned in haste
- Memorising the names and uses of all twelve types before taking your seat
- Displaying your bearing, or judging how your companions handle theirs
- Hurrying ahead of others to conceal a moment's hesitation over the order
What your butler watches
- The moment your hand pauses
- The breaks in conversation with your companions
- The position from which the silver can be taken up safely
- The pause in which you may return to conversation after the next piece has been indicated
The etiquette of the table continues from before you sit until you are seen off
The etiquette of the table is not a set of rules confined to the time the silver is in your hand. A peaceful table begins as your butler lays a hand on the door, draws back the chair and arranges your coat and belongings. Even after you are seated, your butler looks not only at the arrangement of the implements, but at the expressions of your companions and the pace of the conversation.
When you are alone, quietly admiring the design of the table, your butler adds no explanation and waits at a distance from which your questions can be received. With two, we wait for a break in conversation before adding what is needed. With up to six around the table, your butler watches the movement of the whole table so that no one person is left hesitating. However the numbers change, the attitude of supporting without hurrying does not.
When you leave the table, your butler arranges the chair and your belongings and matches your pace to the next room. Not isolating the handling of silver, but receiving you at your seat, keeping the time and leading on to the farewell: that unbroken sequence is the table etiquette a butler watches over.
Your butler is not looking for mistakes.
A butler's watchfulness means confirming in advance that you are not in difficulty, that the flow of conversation is unbroken, and that the silver can be taken up safely. We do not stand by in order to mark you for correctness. We stand within reach of a glance and prepare a little before we are needed.
Every butler at the Manor, our female butlers included, has their own presence. Yet the attitude of protecting your dignity and supporting you unobtrusively is shared by all. If you are able to enjoy the table itself, your butler's work has been fully done.
Three doorways where this bearing lives
Ways of Spending the Time
See the eleven scenes to be spent with a butler, including the dining table, afternoon tea and relaxation.
Read more
Handling Silverware
Time, as an apprentice, to touch upon the bearing with which one meets white gloves and silver.
Read more
Silver and Porcelain
The Manor's collection, handled by butlers and there for you to take in hand.
Read moreRather than learning the names of the silver, watch the hands and the flow of conversation
The order of the silver cutlery is not something to be memorised in full and followed mechanically. Your butler looks at the pieces laid there and at your hands, and tells you only the next piece you need. Turn your gaze and the signal is received without greatly halting the conversation.
Once your butler has answered briefly, do not go on thinking about the implements; return to the time with your companions. The heart of it is handling silver quietly, not to show the correctness of your bearing, but to protect one another's conversation.
The Manor's Christofle Marly includes pieces of differing purpose: table, dessert, fish and more. Taking up a rocaille-ornamented handle, you begin to see that each piece has its own outline within the same silver. Your butler takes them from storage in white gloves and lays the pieces required on the table.
QDo I need to learn the order of the cutlery before I come?
No. The order you need is conveyed quietly by your butler at the table. When in doubt, simply ask with your eyes.
QIf I make a mistake, will I be corrected at once?
Your butler does not stand by in order to find mistakes. Where safety or consideration for others is concerned, we support you in a way that does not interrupt the conversation.
QMay I handle the actual silver?
The Manor's silver may be taken in hand under your butler's guidance. For details of the collection, including Christofle Marly, please see the Silver and Porcelain page.
QMay I bring food and drink?
You are welcome to bring your own food and drink. Please let us know your wishes at the time of booking. At table, your butler conveys the bearing according to the setting before you.
QCan I enjoy table manners on my own?
Yes. On your own, you may admire the design of the silver and your butler's bearing at your own pace. Your butler refrains from over-explaining and waits at a distance from which your enquiring glance can be received.
QHow many can gather around the table?
The Manor welcomes up to six guests. However many there are, your butler watches the whole table and quietly ensures that no one person is left hesitating.
About bringing food and drink
- You are welcome to bring your own food and drink
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At the silver table, your butler awaits you.
There is no need to worry if you do not know the order. Simply tell us your preferred date and time, and how you wish to spend it.