Choosing Your Buddy

IMust I choose a Buddy on the first visit?

There is no need to decide on the first visit. Come to the Manor as a Visitor or Bronze member, be attended by different butlers, and observe the amount of conversation and the distance each keeps. Rapport shows in the step taken after the tea is set down, the pause before a door is opened, the way a silence is held.

A Buddy is the butler you have chosen as your own at the Queen's Butler Manor. Unlike a nomination for a single day, a Buddy accumulates your ways and preferences over time and waits at your side almost as an extension of yourself.

The Japan Butler Association has both male and female butlers in service. Rapport is not decided by age or sex alone: the tone of voice, the frequency of questions and the pace of movement change how the same Manor feels. If you have a preference, let us know when you book.

"Only a limited number of butlers can enter into a butler contract."

IIAt which moments can rapport be judged?

Rapport shows less in the moment you ask for something than in the time you did not. Can the butler wait without speaking while you read? Does he notice the glance that wants the next cup? Does he catch the breath that signals you would like the conversation to end? The longer you can be at ease without effort, the more readily that butler becomes a candidate.

Rapport with a butler is not only shared taste, but how the butler receives the differences. Even when speaking of books or music he knows well, he must not leave your interest behind. Nor should he bluff on a subject he does not know; better to look into it and carry it to the next occasion.

The first visit leaves an impression of novelty; from the second, the everyday rhythm comes into view. The first cup, the moment after the silver bell, moving through the Manor, the bow before you leave: recall whether you breathed naturally in each.

Rapport shows in the second cup more than the first

Watch how the strength and temperature you mentioned before are received and reflected in the next cup.

IIIHow do I choose between a talkative butler and a quiet one?

If you enjoy conversation, look beyond the range of topics to how the butler receives what you say. If you prefer quiet, the measure is whether the butler can leave a silence unfilled by nervousness, keeping only the presence that is needed. Neither is superior; what matters is the match with the day you wish for.

To wait discreetly is not to vanish, but to keep a distance from which one can return when needed. When you open a book in the Study, the butler withdraws to the anteroom; when the silver bell rings, he comes from beyond the door. If you wish to talk in the Fireplace Room, he stays at your side without raising his voice.

If the distance you want changes from day to day, you may feel more at ease with a butler to whom change is easy to express. When you say briefly, "Today I would like to talk" or "Today, quiet", can he switch at once? A Buddy does not fit you to a single mould; he fits himself to the day's mood.

IVHow do I choose between male and female butlers?

Queen's Butler's male and female butlers wear the same morning coat and perform the same duties at door, chair, tea and silver. Tell us your preference by whatever makes you comfortable: tone of voice, the way distance is kept, the ease you feel in receiving care.

The butler's sex is one of the preferences you may state when booking. Whether you prefer a female or a male butler, we check availability and make the introduction. On a day when your preference cannot be met, we propose another date or another butler.

Photographs and profiles cannot convey the rhythm of a voice or the pace of a walk. Be attended in person at the Manor and watch from the bow at the door to the farewell. The same holds for age: rather than a number, we recommend confirming whether the way the time is carried suits you.

Female butlers welcome you with the same conduct of the Manor

Preferences of sex or age may be stated when you book.

VHow do I confirm a butler's strengths?

A butler's strengths are confirmed by telling us at booking how you wish to spend your time, so that we may discuss who can attend. Books, music, tea, the Manor's collection, photography, personal care: tell us which matters most to you. Rather than leaving abilities vague, the butler confirms and answers.

A strength is not only the extent of knowledge, but how that knowledge is offered to your time. When asked the provenance of a piece, does he answer briefly, or go a little deeper to match your interest? Beyond remembering how you take your tea, can he read your mood and ask again? Judgement in the moment reveals the difference.

If you wish for personal care, only certain butlers can attend. Please state the details when booking and confirm what is possible. This is not treatment or therapy of a medical nature, and requests beyond the scope of a butler's duties are respectfully declined.

VIWhat is the difference between an open booking and a Buddy?

With an open booking, the butler on duty that day attends you. You may state preferences such as sex or age, but the same butler is not guaranteed each time. A Buddy is the butler that Silver members and above choose as their own, in a relationship that carries forward the wishes gathered at the Manor.

An open booking is a way of meeting the butler who fits the day. Because it lets you compare the conduct and distance of different butlers, it also suits the period before you decide on a Buddy. There is room to experience the Manor several times before settling on one.

Even with a Buddy, availability may mean he cannot attend on your preferred date. In that case we propose another butler or another day. Hours and visits are upper limits, and depending on butler availability a reservation may not be possible; we will then propose an alternative date.

VIIWhat should I tell you when nominating a Buddy?

To nominate a Buddy at Queen's Butler, use the reservation form to give the butler's name and, if you like, your reasons and the way you wish to spend your time. If you do not know the name, tell us the date and the scene, and we will identify the butler.

Nomination is not a matter of popularity or ranking, but of confirming whether your time with one butler can continue. Tell us also your preferred days and hours and how often you will come to the Manor. We make no promises that cannot be kept, and shape together a form that can last.

Silver includes priority booking from twenty-one days ahead and the nomination of a Buddy. Gold and Platinum also carry privileges regarding your personal butler, with differing hours and other terms. Compare the conditions of each tier on the membership page and choose the one that suits how often you will come.

VIIIWhat happens on a day my Buddy is absent?

If your Buddy cannot attend on your preferred date, we propose another day or another butler. When another butler attends, your preferences and the day's plans are handed over as far as possible. He does not imitate your Buddy, but keeps your wishes through his own conduct.

A handover is not the wide sharing of your private affairs, but the handling of what is needed to attend you that day. We confirm the necessary range: how you take your tea, a wish for quiet, whether personal care involving touch is acceptable. Anything you would rather not pass on, please tell us in advance.

If your plans can move, you may instead choose another day when your Buddy is at the Manor. Decide by the day's purpose. We ask whether it is an anniversary on which you want the same butler, or whether the date matters more and you wish simply to rest at the Manor, and make the choices clear.

IXHow do I proceed if I would like a butler beyond the Manor?

Once you have spent time with your Buddy at the Manor and would like him to attend you at home or elsewhere, please ask about a butler contract. It is a separate agreement from the membership within the Manor, in which place, role, frequency, hours and boundaries are confirmed. Only a limited number of butlers can enter into a butler contract.

A butler contract is the arrangement by which a Buddy you have come to favour continues to attend you outside the Manor. Rather than carrying the Salon's hours outside unchanged, the terms are set to suit your home and the role you require. It does not come into being simply by asking; confirmation on both sides is needed.

First, watch that butler's conduct and judgement at the Manor: opening a door, preparing tea, keeping a silence, offering choices when plans change. Whether you can place your trust in that accumulation is the key measure before moving to a relationship beyond the Manor.