Etiquette at The Salon: Q&A

IDo I need to learn the etiquette before my first visit?

There is no need to learn the etiquette before you come. The butlers of the Queen's Butler association, which runs Queen's Butler, open the door, take your belongings, draw your chair and prepare your tea; all you need do is accept the time offered to you.

The etiquette of the house is not a set of rules by which you are tested, but the care with which the butler anticipates and removes your doubts. If a first-time guest pauses at the door, the butler does not hurry them, but tells them in a word where to go next. Nor does the way you are treated change with your dress or your knowledge of tea.

As the hour of your arrival approaches, the butler waits inside the double doors, listening for your step. After the bow, simply hand over your coat and umbrella. For as long as you are the lady of the house, the finer order of things is kept by the butler. All we ask of you is to tell us your wishes without reserve.

"Please do not hesitate to ring the silver bell on the table."

IIHow should I address the butler?

Simply "butler" will do. For those who prefer a name, the butler introduces themselves when greeting you. "Excuse me" or "May I have a moment?" is no discourtesy either. What matters to us is not the form of address, but that you never put up with an unspoken need.

The form of address is a signal that sets the distance between you and the butler. Some address the butler by their role at first meeting and, as conversation grows, come to use their name. Members with a Buddy tend to use names, but there is no need to imitate that relationship from the first visit.

Where several butlers are present, the one you look towards will attend to you. Male and female butlers are in residence, with the same attire and the same duties. Preferences of gender or age may be given when you book, but there is no need to vary the form of address by gender.

IIIWhen, and how many times, should I ring the silver bell?

When the butler has withdrawn to the anteroom and you need anything, ring once. Another cup of tea, a blanket, a book, an adjustment to the lights, the way to the cloakroom, someone to talk to: no request is too large or too small. When the butler is already at your side, a word or a glance will do.

The silver bell is the means by which you reach the butler without raising your voice. It stands on the dining table, and when its note carries, the butler comes from the anteroom. There is no need to ring repeatedly, nor to worry that the sound was too faint.

When you wish to read undisturbed, tell the butler to withdraw for a while. When you want tea again, ring once. If instead you wish to go on talking, the butler simply remains at your side. The bell is a signal for creating distance and for closing it again.

Nothing is too small to ring for

Another cup, or the lights lowered a little: to the butler, each is a request worth attending to.

IVHow should I receive my tea?

When the butler sets the cup on the table, there is no need to reach for it; simply wait. Where the cup is handed to you, one hand or two makes no difference; the butler follows your movement. Should you hesitate over the order of cup and saucer, only the word you need is offered on the spot.

Receiving tea at Queen's Butler is not an occasion for showing the correct form, but a moment where the butler's service and your ease meet. Once the white-gloved hand leaves the cup, take a breath, as if to catch the aroma.

Tell us without reserve how strong, how hot and how fragrant you like it. The butler watches how the first cup goes and prepares the next accordingly. If there is anything you dislike, let us know in advance and we will check. The house does not serve meals, but you are welcome to bring your own food and drink.

Matching your hands is the butler's task

Rather than asking you to show the correct form first, the butler hands you the cup in time with your own movement.

VHow much thanks and conversation is expected?

A word of thanks whenever you wish to give one is quite enough. It is no discourtesy not to say it at every service. Conversation is the same: on a day you wish to talk, the butler keeps you company; on a day you wish for quiet, only the necessary presence remains.

Conversation with the butler is one of the choices that enrich your time. You may talk of poetry and books, of records, of the furnishings of the house, or simply of a little of your day. Equally, the butler guards a time in the fireplace room where the only sound is the turning of a page.

Should you wish the butler to sit and talk, a simple "Do sit" is all that is needed. Standing at your side, waiting a little apart, seated across from you: the distance follows your wishes and the moment. Requests beyond the scope of a butler's duties, or that compromise the butler's dignity, are respectfully declined.

VIIs there a dress code or anything I must bring?

There is no dress code. Whether in your everyday clothes or something chosen to suit the house, wear whatever fits your plans for the day. Your belongings, coat and, on a rainy day, your umbrella are taken by the butler at the entrance and returned the moment you need them.

The etiquette of a rainy day is simply that you hand your wet umbrella and coat to the butler rather than carrying them through the house. Should a hem or sleeve be damp, time is set aside to put it right at leisure. If you are running late, let us know, and come without hurrying your step.

You are welcome to bring a book to read in the house, notepaper for a letter, small items to photograph, or food and drink. First-time guests may come empty-handed. If you are unsure what to bring, tell us in the notes of the booking form how you would like to spend the time.

VIIIs there anything to bear in mind when asking for a photograph?

In any scene at Queen's Butler, the butler will take a commemorative photograph for you. Hand over your own device and tell us where you would like it taken and whether portrait or landscape. In the dining room, the study, the fireplace room or the corridor, the butler judges the light and background and shows you where to stand.

The etiquette of photographs is to respect the wishes of the person photographed and the time of the house. There are days to keep only in memory and days to keep carefully in a few frames. The butler never hurries a photograph, and never touches your device unless asked.

If you wish to be photographed with a butler, we first confirm that butler's consent. For a more formal shoot, The Studio, where the furnishings of the house and the butler's guidance can be put to use, may also be discussed. Telling us the purpose of your visit when you book makes it easier to arrange the day.

VIIIHow should I let you know if I am late, or wish to leave early?

Let us know as soon as you realise you will be late. The butler checks the effect on your finishing time and rearranges the opening of the day so that you can settle in unhurried on arrival. If you wish to leave early, simply say so; your coat and belongings are returned and you are seen off.

The etiquette of time is not a matter of hurrying you by the minute, but of keeping to the reserved hours on both sides. A little before the end of your stay, the butler lets you know and gathers up your book and belongings. If your health or the weather makes you wish to change your plans, do not hold back; tell us early.

Fees and the handling of changes depend on the length of your stay and the time of your request. Please see the fees page and the cancellation policy for the confirmed terms, and ask before booking if anything is unclear. The butler listens to your wishes and makes clear what is possible before preparing.

IXWhen two or more of us visit, whose wishes are followed?

When you come as a group, there is no need for everything to follow the lead guest alone. For up to six guests, the butler asks each about their tea and their preferred seat, and shapes the flow of the whole. It is quite all right for one to enjoy conversation while another reads a little apart in the same hour.

Spending time as a group does not mean fitting everyone to a single plan, but sharing the same hour while making use of the different rooms of the house. To the one talking in the dining room, the one admiring the study, the one taking photographs by the fire, the butler brings what each needs.

We ask the lead guest to tell us the number and general purpose when booking. Where a first-time guest is among you, the butler guides them directly too. Even among friends, each of you is welcomed as the lady of the house.